It’s not easy to be betrayed by the person you used to love most in the world. To go from showering one another with kisses to learning that their sole purpose for living seems to be to destroy you anyway that they can. They lie, they cheat, and they push you against the wall at every opportunity. It is particularly difficult when there is no respite from their hatred and disdain.
How tempting it is to hate in response! In some twisted dream of justice, the urge to be consumed by hatred can be nearly overwhelming.
Hatred hurts, it consumes, it destroys everything around it. But like acid in a steel pot, it mostly corrodes the vessel that contains it. I don’t want to be consumed by hatred.
So how does one let go of anger, particularly when they feel that it is deserved? The answer is Forgiveness.
The dictionary defines forgiveness in several ways, but the one I like the most is to grant pardon for an offense or debt. Because extreme examples convey the most powerful messages, I picture a bound convict at the chopping block, with a lone executioner standing nearby axe in hand. When given the order the executioner doesn’t raise his axe, he drops it, raises the prisoner to his feet, and frees him from his bindings.
Forgiveness means, right or wrong, dropping the axe and forgoing the right of retribution. It means letting go of your claim to another person’s goods or life though they may have wronged you. It comes at the dearest price that one can pay because it comes at the cost of denying yourself. Most people find this cost too high.
Today, like many days, I feel like the cost is too high. I feel too hurt. I feel too wronged to let go of the axe.
God, why must Forgiveness be so hard? How do I let go? How can I forgive when I know in my heart that I am right?
And then I realize it may be just that sentiment that is keeping me from forgiveness. It is the knowing that I am the righteous one that keeps me from forgiveness. Too often we want to wield righteousness as if it is a club to beat others with. We think we stand on the moral high ground and sit in judgment of others. But Christ warns us otherwise.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7: 1-2.
I think that we are all guilty of trivializing our own sins while we convict others of wrongdoing. We justify why what we did was acceptable. We tell ourselves that what we did was of little consequence, or perhaps we were subject to special circumstances.
We look at ourselves through human eyes. We purposely choose others with whom we would compare favorably, and then say, “Ha! I am a good person, at least I am not like so and so.” We look at righteousness as a balancing scale. We pile up good deeds in one scale, and bad deeds in the other. If the “good” scale outweighs the “bad” we tell ourselves that we are righteous. We only try to consider our actions, while conveniently forgetting to consider our words and our thoughts.
God looks at things differently. His holiness, goodness, righteousness, and justice are absolute. Even our most sacred heroes from the Bible, men such as Moses, Isaiah, Daniel, Paul, and John fell down on their faces before God, keenly aware of their inadequacy. There are no balancing scales; there is only one scale to weigh our “bad” deeds. If there is anything on that scale, we are wholly unfit to stand in the presence of God.
And yet, God loved us so much, that he chose to humble himself and come in weakness. He gave himself over to atone for our sin once and for all, and demonstrated his victory over sin and death by rising from the grave.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3: 16-17
It is only when we recognize who we really are that forgiveness becomes something we can grasp. We are lost and broken people who apart from God’s grace are unrighteous and unworthy. When we give up the belief that we are capable of good on our own, when we admit that we are sinners, we realize that we are in no place of judgment. It is there, from our knees, not from the judgment seat, where we find the strength to forgive others. It is then, that we find the strength to love even those who persecute us.
God, give me the strength to admit my faults. Forgive me for my deeds, my words, and my actions. Forgive me for failing to be the kind of example I should have been. Lord, though I was unable to be the kind of man that could lead her to you, I pray that you would raise someone up in my enemy’s life to bring her to acknowledge you as her Savior. Jesus, give me the strength to forgive, day to day, and moment to moment. Help me to drop the axe and loose the bindings. Help me to remember the grace that you showed me and extend that grace to others.
“Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.” Psalm 32: 1
