The Fear of Battle

When I was deployed to combat, the fear of battle was a constant, almost physical presence.  It didn’t really matter where you were or what you did, it was always there in the back of your mind.  If you were sitting in the mess hall, you could be the victim of an unexpected rocket attack.  If you were out in sector the fear became more real.  Walking down an alley you would occasionally hear the ping of a bullet whizzing nearby from some unseen direction.  Or if you were securing the roads, you would hope that the culvert you were checking wouldn’t suddenly engulf you in an explosion.  The point is that we all dealt with the fear of being in battle constantly. 

Part of our preparation for battle was outfitting ourselves with the right equipment.   Over our uniforms we wore a ballistic vest with Kevlar plates to protect our chests and vital organs from bullets or shrapnel.  Over our heads we wore a Kevlar helmet.  We wore ballistic glasses or goggles to protect our sight from shrapnel.  Over our body armor we wore our load bearing equipment vest to provide easy access to all of our critical items such as ammo, water, compass, etc.  We wore thick combat boots, kneepads, and elbow pads, to protect our feet, knees, and elbows from the stresses and dangers of moving under fire.  In our hands we carried our assigned weapon with which we could engage the enemy if we were attacked.      

 While wearing all this didn’t make us impervious to death or injury, I learned to place a kind of faith in this equipment.  I saw firsthand that this equipment saved lives more often than not.  It helped us to deal with the fear and to protect us from the dangers of battle. 

I have come to learn though that although I am no longer in a position to be deployed to combat, I am always in battle.  I find myself in battle against forces I cannot see or hear or grasp.  I am fighting against hate, lies, unforgiveness, temptation, and anger of both myself and of people who don’t know God.  I find that I am fighting against a power that wants to strip me of my children, of my means of living and providing for my family, and ultimately of my faith.  The attacks are relentless and nasty, and once again, I am afraid.  I am afraid of losing what I love, I am afraid of failing my kids, I am afraid of failing my God.  I am afraid that I won’t be able to stand my ground. 

Recently, my parents reminded me that just like I did when I was in combat, I need to take time daily to outfit myself for the battles that I have to face. 

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” – Ephesians 6: 10-17

I find it interesting that Paul tells us first to take up the belt of truth.  I think, “What use is a belt in combat?”  Then I remember my load bearing equipment.  It held everything of importance in place.  Truth puts everything in perspective.  The truth of what is right and what is wrong helps us to make sure we are fighting the right battles and standing on the right ground.  The truth of knowing that we are children of God helps us to remember who is standing with us.  And with that in mind, everything begins to fall into place.  For this, I must dwell in his word constantly, reading and meditating on it at all times to help me put things in the proper perspective.

Next we are told to outfit ourselves with the breastplate of righteousness.  Here is where I often fail.  I know who I am, and the kind of person I am.  I know every one of my mistakes, my sins, my flaws, and my weaknesses.  I think, “Why would God protect me?  Who am I that he should care about me?  I am just a sinner, deserving of punishment.”  This steals the heart out of me.  But God is not telling me to outfit myself with my righteousness as if I have any.  He is telling me to outfit myself with the righteousness that has been credited to me apart from anything that I have or can do.  I am to outfit myself with the knowledge that Christ has died and cleansed me from my sin, and that God brings me near to Him because of who I am through Christ.  Even if Satan tries to convince me that what I have done is deserving of guilt or fear or punishment, God tells me that all my debts are paid. 

We are told to stand firm wearing the shoes of the gospel of peace.  This is the God that told his disciples not to fear when he calmed the storm.  He is the God that tells us not to worry about tomorrow because He will provide for our needs.  He is the Spirit that told his apostles not to fear or worry about what they would say when they faced governors and kings because words would be provided to them when the time came.  He is the God that tells us to be at peace and to stand knowing that we are being held up by Him if we will only let Him. 

He tells us to take up the shield of faith with which we can extinguish all the fiery arrows of the evil one.  I find that I am under attack from all different directions, some expected, some unexpected, and at times I feel overwhelmed.  Faith is always hard to come by.  The book of Hebrews defines faith as the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  One of my favorite books of the Bible is Job.  He was a righteous man who suffered greatly.  His friends took his suffering as a punishment from God and accused him of sin and wrongdoing.  The thing that impresses me so much about Job is that even though he feared that he might die without having been vindicated in this life by God, he knew that God would redeem him in this life or the next.  I know that God is a good God, He is faithful, and He is trustworthy.  He will come to my side and defend me, and whatever happens, He is big enough to redeem even the worst of circumstances for His purpose. 

The other interesting thing about this image is that shields were meant to be used in mass.  Each individual stood close enough to the man next to him so that they protected one another’s weak sides with their shields.  God has provided us with a spiritual family on purpose.  He has put us here to mutually encourage one another and to lift each other up.  We must rely on the faith of our brothers and sisters in Christ and protect one another when we are at our weakest and most vulnerable.        

We are told to don the helmet of salvation.  We must know without a doubt that we are saved, and that God is our refuge and strength.  We must protect our thoughts from doubt by knowing and accepting his ability to save us.

Lastly, we are told to wield the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  God’s word is powerful, it rings of truth, and it demolishes the strongholds and arguments of those who live by lies. 

I am trying daily to take the preparations necessary to meet my enemies and challenges on a day to day basis.  I find that as I do, the fear is eventually conquered. 

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare

 and from the deadly pestilence. 

He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 

You will not fear the terror of night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday. 

A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you. 

You will only observe with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”

and you make the Most High your dwelling,

no harm will overtake you,

no disaster will come near your tent. 

For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;

they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 

You will tread on the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord,

“I will rescue him; I will protect him,

for he acknowledges my name. 

He will call on me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him. 

With long life I will satisfy him

and show him my salvation.”  -- Psalm 91

Lord, help me to stand firm in my faith in you, to trust you, and to help others to stand as well.