In my last post, I began to
examine the relationship pairs that Paul discusses in Ephesians 5 and 6,
starting with Husbands and Wives. What
we saw in examining that passage was that Paul urges us as believers to be
disciples of Christ in our everyday relationships, placing these relationships
in the same context as that between Christ and the church. This week’s relationship pairing between
Parent and Child is no different.
Before we look at what Paul says
about the interaction between Parent and Child, I would like to once again set
the context for the passage. In Paul’s
epistle to the Ephesians he addresses a church that consists of both Jew and
Gentile. He shows us that God has
elected us to be baptized into one Church, under one head, Jesus Christ, led by
one Spirit. We attain membership into
this Church, the body of Christ, by grace through faith, not from works so that
no one may boast, but through the free gift of God. Because we have been brought into grace
through faith, God is making us into his workmanship and will outfit us to do
good works that he has pre-ordained. And
as a response to this grace, we live in discipleship in Christ, through the
guidance of the Holy Spirit.
So how does Paul set the tone for
the specific relationships he discusses in Ephesians 5 and 6?
“Therefore, be imitators of God,
as beloved children. And walk in love,
as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and
sacrifice to God…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” –
Ephesians 5: 1-2, 21
With Christ as our example, how
can we fulfill our roles as children and parents? Paul begins by outlining our responsibility
as children.
“Children, obey your parents in
the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your
father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may
go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” – Ephesians 6:1-3
This is a compact statement, but
it is packed with meaning. Paul begins by
telling children to obey their parents in the Lord. In Paul’s way of speaking, doing something in
the Lord, or in the Spirit, may have a couple of meanings. This first way, is that we are to obey our
parents through the help and guidance of the Lord. We walk daily with our Lord, and because of
this the way we live our lives is being conformed to the likeness of
Christ. The second meaning, is that we
obey our parents, just as Christ was obedient to his Father.
Once again, I want to remind us
that our example is Christ. Just as
Christ obeys his Father, we are to obey our parents. This is the Son who willingly and earnestly
obeyed his Father’s will, speaking the words his Father gave to him, doing the
works his Father sent him to do, even unto death. It is through his obedience that he delivered
us from sin and death.
This is the example we are
provided by Paul to follow, and this is the duty to which God calls us. He does this for several reasons. First, obeying our parents is right. It is God who has given us our parents and
has placed them over us. Our parents are
there by God’s ordination.
However, we should not only obey
them out of a sense of duty, but we should seek to do so earnestly because of
the benefit that it brings to us. Paul,
reminds us that by obeying and honoring our parents, we are the recipients of a
promise, “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the
land.” Why does this come to pass? Well, this will tie into the role of the
parent. But suffice it to say that it is
because our parents, when they are fulfilling the role that God has given to
them, have something to give us that is to be highly treasured. Namely, they bring to us the discipline and
instruction of the Lord.
Parents, who have been placed in
a position of authority, have an even weightier duty to bear.
“Fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord.” -- Ephesians 6:4
Again here, Christ is our
example. Instead of the obedient Son, we
look to Christ who sets the standard as the spiritual head of the body of
Christ.
Christ’s example was as a firm,
and loving leader over the disciples. He
provided for their physical well-being, while teaching them and instructing
them about the kingdom of heaven. He
praised them, and at times, rebuked them.
When approached by the likes of prostitutes and tax collectors, he
called them to repentance, but provided them mercy and grace. He himself gave them the example of the
servant leader, washing their feet as a slave would, and reminding them that
the student is not above the teacher. He
taught them that we are to be perfect as our father in heaven is perfect, and
yet died for their sins and made them righteous through his own sacrifice.
With this as our standard, let’s
review Paul’s instructions and see how we stack up.
“Fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger…” How many of us
parents have broken this command? Are we
always fair and patient in our discipline?
Or do we sometimes mete out punishments that exceed the offense our
children deserve? Do we give praise and
encouragement to our kids when it is needed, or are we overly critical? Are we present and available for our
children? Do we make our children our
priority, or do they come in second place to other interests? How many children are wounded by the
absenteeism of their fathers or mothers?
Do we sacrifice our leisure time for them? Do we set the example that our kids deserve
to see, or do we expect of them a standard for living that which we refuse to
demonstrate in our own lives?
“But bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
How many of us take this instruction seriously? How many of us are purposeful in our
parenting? Have we taught our children
the basics of our faith? Have we taught
them the Ten Commandments? Do they know
that Jesus died for their sins? Do we
consistently teach them to know right from wrong? Or is all of this secondary to other
concerns?
I am going to come out and say it
straight. If we are not diligently and
purposely fulfilling this duty, we aren’t doing our job as parents. It completely blows my mind how we could
systematically teach our kids not to do drugs, or not to smoke, or to stay in
school, but we can neglect to teach our children about God. Our knowledge of who God is, about God’s law,
and about how God has delivered us from our sin impacts every aspect about how
we live our lives, for good or bad. This
is not a subject that a parent can be ambivalent about, and it is a cop out to
say otherwise.
In Deuteronomy, we see Moses speaking
to the people of Israel just before they go to enter in to the Promised
Land. In this address, he warns the men
of Israel, saying:
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all
your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words that I command to you today
shall be on your heart. You shall teach
them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your
house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you
rise. You shall bind them as a sign on
your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your
house and on your gates.”
This is Moses last address before
Israel, and before God fulfills his promise to bring them into the land
promised to their fathers. Moses is not
afraid that they will fail. He knows
that God will remain faithful to his promise.
Moses is afraid that Israel will forget the God who delivered them from
slavery and brought them into the Promised Land. He is afraid that they will follow other
gods, and forget God’s law. He is afraid
that the fathers in Israel will fail to pass down the faith that they had in
the God that delivers and saves. He
urges the fathers of Israel to be faithful in their duty to teach and instruct
their children about their God and in his law.
We need to be parents who have
made a bold and committed decision to raise our kids in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord. We are training
our kids to be part of the kingdom of heaven.
We have no higher calling as parents that to do this.
When we look in the mirror we
each can see that we have not always lived out our calling as children or
parents. Maybe as children we have not
been obedient to our parents, or we have not honored them and esteemed them in
the way that God has commanded us to do.
Maybe we have not honored them as we would honor our heavenly
Father.
Maybe as parents we haven’t been
there for our kids. We haven’t loved
them as we should, or we have put other interests or responsibilities above
that of being a godly parent for our children.
Maybe we haven’t been purposeful in instructing our children in our
faith.
Or maybe we have been in a
position where we have trouble honoring our father or mother because they
haven’t lived up to their role as a parent.
How do we respond to the hurt born from parents who “provoke their children
to anger?”
How do we reconcile these things?
Just like any other sin, our
reconciliation comes through Christ. We
need to confess those areas where we have fallen short, as children, or
parents. We must rely daily on the forgiveness
that Christ has offered us through his death on the cross. And then, we take comfort in knowing that his
story didn’t end with his crucifixion.
It ended with his resurrection.
And just as Christ was died and was raised, we too, have died to sin in
him, and have been raised as new creatures, walking with him daily. Knowing that we are only reconciled through
Christ’s saving grace, we ask God to help us to forgive the parent or child who
may have hurt us.
My hope is that we will turn to
Christ in our roles as children and parents to fulfill the works that God has
created us for through his grace.
“Train up a child in the way he
should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
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